what is it with resolutions?

i never make new year's resolutions. to me, my life continues whether it's 2007 or not. plus, i know my own lack of discipline, so the few times i've contemplated resolving something i've stopped before starting because i know i won't do it. or i make the goal so ridiculously easy that i don't have to even think about it or resolve on anything!!

last new year's was probably my favorite ever. i was in kansas at the international house of prayer and we had all spent the day fasting, praying and worshipping. by midnight we were praising our hearts out, bringing in the new year with no other thought but God and God reigning.

and so my resolution from that whole conference came to be that i want to live wholehearted for God. i want to know him more, and so love him more and manifest his kingdom and truth here on earth. that's a resolution i can keep, because i have been given grace, the power to live righteously before God. thank you Jesus!

i "love" kids

my title reminds me of what joels wrote in my yearbook in gr. 12 - something about me being a "beautiful/wonderful" person. in quotations!! oh joel. you're so great. but on to the purpose of this post. i really do love kids. and the quotations were because someone once said i hated them and i missed the sarcasm. and was slightly confused. so here it is. i love kids. and these are some of the wonderful children i had the chance to look after a few days ago. lauren, benson and kate. the last time i babysat them lauren was only 4 months old and now they are all grown up with a new little sister who was the sweetest EVER. i love kids.

christmas, christmas time is here

here i am. still in winkler. eating food i don't have to make. it's fantastic!

i entered the MCC store on a tuesday for the first time in probably 3 years...remember the days when we'd go faithfully during our spare? and then wednesdays we'd wear brown, cuz it was most likely what we bought the day before. i just bought a bag today, no brown.

and now i'm going to continue learning about how they made "the Lord of the Rings." i'm a geek, it's true.

what is home

i call more than one place "home." and i feel "at home" in more than one place. so what does home mean? i don't really want to get all philosophical on you, so i'll keep it simple and confined to my feelings of the past few days.

yesterday, i put on an old pair of pants, and an old sweater. i then went outside, let cleo out of her kennel, jumped around with her for a bit and then sat on the snowmobile staring out at our pasture. brown and white, dead grass and snow... bare trees, cold wind... and i loved it.

after chatting with my brother in his workshop/shed for a bit, and watching the dog chew on pieces of deer head and then my hand, i went inside. to a place where my family all came later and i was teased mercilessly about various things. i was poked, prodded, laughed at... and i loved it.

i love the familiarity of home. i love the lack of pretentious expectation that permeates a city atmosphere. i love the wide open spaces and the ability to yell and only the animals will hear. i love looking outside and the only things moving are the trees in the wind.

i have resolved to enjoy my time in the city while i must live there to gain an education. and my resolution has been quite successful. i love my home there too. but i really love this.

in light of eternity

i'm in love with a man
i'm in love with a stranger
i'm in love with my maker
whom i have never seen

i'm in love with a lamb
i'm in love with a lion
i'm in love with my saviour
whom i have yet to know

oh won't you let me love you more?
this is all that i desire
won't you let me love you more?
this is all that i require
won't you let me love you more?
this is my deepest heart's desire
won't you let me love you more, and more?

you could give to me the gift of walking on water
and maybe
maybe i will raise the dead
but i have one life to live
and all i have to give to you is love

if i never walk on water
if i never see the miracles
if i never hear your voice out loud

just knowing that you love me
is enough to keep me here
just hearing those words
is enough to satisfy
you satisfy
couldn't leave even if i tried

i must have you!

~ misty edwards

This song was in my head all day yesterday and i am not kidding. i dreamed it, woke up singing it, sang at the house of prayer with it in the back of my mind and i played ringette singing it in my head. i climbed into bed hearing it.

this is what i want. a desperate, full of faith, wholehearted and consistent love of God.

that creepy christmas feeling

i went to see the living christmas tree.

annie, chris and i spent much time laughing.

it was the epitome of that "creepy christmas feeling" (thank you santa sufjan). all we needed was the smell of burnt tube socks to complete our evening. perhaps one day...

eternity is the great equalizer.

a quote i heard today. made me think. we may feel as though the things we do in the spiritual do not matter sometimes, but in the end all of our deeds will be laid before the Creator, the uncreated. the things that we thought mattered to men will matter no longer and the things done in secret and without fear of man will be revealed for what they are.

nice as well as scary thought.

the minor prophets

i have to confess that i never really read the minor prophets in the bible. being a history major, you'd think that i'd pay a little more attention to old testament events than other people, but no. i have no idea who comes before who, when jerusalem was destroyed, rebuilt, etc. i should.

so completely out of character, i decided to read malachi 2 nights ago. and i was blown away. i didn't understand all the signficances historically speaking, but what did hit me was God's heart for his people. the book opens with warnings and curses and talk of wickedness. he challenges the priests, saying they have defiled him by offering sacrifices that are crippled, diseased or unfit.

"'Cursed is the cheat who has an acceptable male in his flock and vows to give it, but then sacrifices a blemished animal to the Lord. For I am a great king,' says the Lord Almighty, 'and my name is to be feared among the nations.'"

that passage was a clear challenge to me. when i vow to live whole-hearted before God, the attitude of "well, a little is better than nothing at all" is not right. i have vowed to give God my best, my whole and my heart. offering diseased substitutes is a dishonor to God's name.

further on in the book, however, God begins to speak of his return to us, with refining fire. he longs to purify us! he is not impressed with our unsuitable sacrifices and immature love and mistakes, but despite this he is not putting us away from him. instead, he says, "I the Lord do not change... return to me, and I will return to you,"

He wants us to bring our whole hearts to him and he wants to pour out his blessing on us! he wants to shower us with redemption - how incredible is that??

"they will be mine," says the Lord Almighty.

i went from looking like this
(okay, so the photo is a bit exaggerated - it was rough day, however)

to looking like this
(from there on, my day got a whole lot better - food, friends, making fun of things like...well, perhaps i should keep that quiet)

oh the wonders of a webcam. aaaawkward.