i had an interesting weekend, in my head. in the outside, it was good, and fun. friday night was fun, in that very popular tim horton's. but by sunday... over and over again, i realize that i have no rights of my own as a believer in Christ. when i surrender, i give up my rights. God does not owe me anything. i MUST forgive, because he did. it doesnt' matter if it's not fair, or if someone else ought to be doing it as well. justice....i'm listening to jason upton right now....makes me want to bust out :) but really, justice of the Lord is so, so different than our idea of justice on earth. his justice is not without mercy, but too often ours is. i have no rights. completely devoted and surrendered to God means it is his will that rules, his will that leads. my utmost for his highest says this, "how many of us are expecting Jesus to quench our thirst, when we should be satisfying him! We should be pouring out our lives..." today i read "God cannot deliver me when my interest is merely in my own character. Paul...was recklessly abandoned, totally surrendered, and separated by God for one purpose - to proclaim the gospel of God."
i want that to be me. i want to not even want that, but to simply seek the face of God, His will and to proclaim his kingdom, his mercy, his justice! amen and good night :)
Monday, January 31, 2005
Thursday, January 27, 2005
how great is our God
sometimes i wonder why certain people are still in my life. people with whom i don't really get along; or we do, but we have no real bond. but they're still in my life, long after i thought we'd go in different directions. and it's true that you learn from these types of relationships, but it's also very frustrating. and then add to that my feeling like a floating homer, that paddles a bit, lets go of a few things, but then, after letting go, still hold onto the apathy that keeps you from paddling. i don't think i should write entries when i feel so apathetic. and yet, i feel that way.
we serve a great God. we really do. he deserves all my life and more. why am i so reluctant to give it all? and why do i allow myself to be reluctant when i really sit down and soak in the depth of what he has for me, and when i let myself do that, i get super-excited? my spiritual life is not about the journey. it's not about my growth, and it's not about my service or my blessings. it's about complete devotion to God without regard for those things. without regard for blessings, material comfort, even friendships. i shouldn't be expecting God to pour out these things in my life. He will, because he is a good God who loves me, but! that's not my purpose in living. it's not my purpose to get all my support from him. i am to pour out my life for him. it's all about him. really. and i need to suck it up and live for him! okay, resolved. now i feel better. funny how attitudes can change your feelings and actions. wow. amen.
we serve a great God. we really do. he deserves all my life and more. why am i so reluctant to give it all? and why do i allow myself to be reluctant when i really sit down and soak in the depth of what he has for me, and when i let myself do that, i get super-excited? my spiritual life is not about the journey. it's not about my growth, and it's not about my service or my blessings. it's about complete devotion to God without regard for those things. without regard for blessings, material comfort, even friendships. i shouldn't be expecting God to pour out these things in my life. He will, because he is a good God who loves me, but! that's not my purpose in living. it's not my purpose to get all my support from him. i am to pour out my life for him. it's all about him. really. and i need to suck it up and live for him! okay, resolved. now i feel better. funny how attitudes can change your feelings and actions. wow. amen.
Monday, January 24, 2005
floating homer
you wouldn't believe who i saw today. mr. giesbrecht and the superintendent, dom wilkins! they set up a booth thing promoting our school division at the u of w! so i talked to them, and they made me sit down and look at everything, and their presentation. and mr. wilkins said i could sit in on my dad's MAST meetings (manitoba association of school trustees) to get my professional development hours done. so there you go! crazy stuff.
friday, the drive home was crazy. we took just under 3 hours to get home. i guess it was 3 by the time i hit my house, kendra and lori probably got home earlier. it was freaky, but at the same time, i felt pretty calm. lori did some video-taping, and i freaked her out by taking my hands off the steering wheel...hee hee :) thanks Jesus for getting us home safely!
saturday. our first official practice for singing in church later in february. we've added (drumroll, please!).....JULIA KLASSEN to the happy trio/jean singing girls! oh, it was enjoyable. she was ..... scared, but together, with many giggles and a little bit of insanity, i think we can pull off a pretty decent act. and hey, we're praising God, who cares if it's a little off! oh, did we ever giggle....then we watched the footage from joanna's wedding and our drive home. AND! my hair got into a ponytail! one, not pigtails! granted, there were chunks of hair that fell out all around my face, but the majority was still a ponytail! that was also exciting.... it was a really good evening! thanks girls :)
tarah e-mailed me today!! that was pretty exciting, i think it's been 2 months since she's e-mailed me....she's moving to kansas city in a few weeks, so i was dying to hear what was going on. so good to hear from her :) i finally got the papers for my student loan too, so i should have that in a couple days as well! yay money.
dan derksen is only 5 months older than me. and he gave an amazing sermon on sunday. incredible. and rhonda is married to him, and he's an interim pastor. and they are only one "year" ahead of us! such a good sermon, i borrowed the title for my blog. i also got to talk to one of the couples from iowa who we went down to work with in september! that was nice. a little awkward, cuz it was me talking to a bunch of older women, but nice. lori, kendra, we need to see mrs. rempel soon! for sure on reading week, it's valentines around then.
and now i need to write a paper about me and joel in the pirates of penzance. actually, about a picture of me and joel. doesn't that make you feel special, my lethbridgian friend? it's a weird assignment, and that was the only picture that worked. i am wearing a nightgown.
lots of birthdays coming up...;)
friday, the drive home was crazy. we took just under 3 hours to get home. i guess it was 3 by the time i hit my house, kendra and lori probably got home earlier. it was freaky, but at the same time, i felt pretty calm. lori did some video-taping, and i freaked her out by taking my hands off the steering wheel...hee hee :) thanks Jesus for getting us home safely!
saturday. our first official practice for singing in church later in february. we've added (drumroll, please!).....JULIA KLASSEN to the happy trio/jean singing girls! oh, it was enjoyable. she was ..... scared, but together, with many giggles and a little bit of insanity, i think we can pull off a pretty decent act. and hey, we're praising God, who cares if it's a little off! oh, did we ever giggle....then we watched the footage from joanna's wedding and our drive home. AND! my hair got into a ponytail! one, not pigtails! granted, there were chunks of hair that fell out all around my face, but the majority was still a ponytail! that was also exciting.... it was a really good evening! thanks girls :)
tarah e-mailed me today!! that was pretty exciting, i think it's been 2 months since she's e-mailed me....she's moving to kansas city in a few weeks, so i was dying to hear what was going on. so good to hear from her :) i finally got the papers for my student loan too, so i should have that in a couple days as well! yay money.
dan derksen is only 5 months older than me. and he gave an amazing sermon on sunday. incredible. and rhonda is married to him, and he's an interim pastor. and they are only one "year" ahead of us! such a good sermon, i borrowed the title for my blog. i also got to talk to one of the couples from iowa who we went down to work with in september! that was nice. a little awkward, cuz it was me talking to a bunch of older women, but nice. lori, kendra, we need to see mrs. rempel soon! for sure on reading week, it's valentines around then.
and now i need to write a paper about me and joel in the pirates of penzance. actually, about a picture of me and joel. doesn't that make you feel special, my lethbridgian friend? it's a weird assignment, and that was the only picture that worked. i am wearing a nightgown.
lots of birthdays coming up...;)
Friday, January 21, 2005
indescribable
this morning was a bit hard and yet encouraging. steph and i were able to pray with someone who was having a really hard time, with a bunch of stuff, and really stressed. i was so sad for her, and hurt for her, because of her tears, but i also felt blessed that she trusted us to come to us with her hurts. we missed our bus, but it was so worth it. i love the Holy Spirit! you can have no idea what's going on, but he gives the words. thank you Jesus!
last night was a gut time - lori, kendra, cherise and i went skating at the forks. bumpy ice, a little sketchy, but! holly! we saw clint from back in gr. 9! remember that?? it was funny!! hanging out after was nice, the first time i've really "entertained" anyone at my apartment :)
i have one last thing to share. if you read my roommate steph's blog, you'll find the same thing. i read this in english, but it's also quoted in the sacred romance, by john eldredge and brent curtis.
batter my heart, three-person'd God; for, you
as yet but knock, breathe, shine and seek to mend;
that i may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
your force, to break, blow, burn adn make me new.
i, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
labour to admit you, but oh, to no end,
reason your viceroy in me, me should defend,
but is captiv'd, and proves weak or untrue.
yet dearly i loved you, and would be loved fain,
but am betroth'd unto your enemy:
divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
take me to you, imprison me, for i
except you enthral me, never shall be free,
nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
- john donne (holy sonnet XIV)
he may have some other interesting and questionable poems, such as The Flea, but this one rings true. i enjoy it. and one more thought. chris tomlin is blessed by God, and i am blessed to be able to worship with his music.
last night was a gut time - lori, kendra, cherise and i went skating at the forks. bumpy ice, a little sketchy, but! holly! we saw clint from back in gr. 9! remember that?? it was funny!! hanging out after was nice, the first time i've really "entertained" anyone at my apartment :)
i have one last thing to share. if you read my roommate steph's blog, you'll find the same thing. i read this in english, but it's also quoted in the sacred romance, by john eldredge and brent curtis.
batter my heart, three-person'd God; for, you
as yet but knock, breathe, shine and seek to mend;
that i may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
your force, to break, blow, burn adn make me new.
i, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
labour to admit you, but oh, to no end,
reason your viceroy in me, me should defend,
but is captiv'd, and proves weak or untrue.
yet dearly i loved you, and would be loved fain,
but am betroth'd unto your enemy:
divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
take me to you, imprison me, for i
except you enthral me, never shall be free,
nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
- john donne (holy sonnet XIV)
he may have some other interesting and questionable poems, such as The Flea, but this one rings true. i enjoy it. and one more thought. chris tomlin is blessed by God, and i am blessed to be able to worship with his music.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
happy *magic* birthday joel!
why do i let myself get so emotionally involved in stories? i realized today, after watching gilmore girls and spending the afternoon at the winnipeg art gallery, that i love stories, but when they go wrong, i get emotionally affected. even if the story is fictional. i keep thinking there's got to be someone who it has really happened to. and then i hurt for them. and then sometimes i wonder, am i stupid to pray for these theoretical people?? who knows.
last night we had home group. again, a good time. i'm really blessed to have found that group of special people :) and to have a friend like eva, who brought me a gift basket full of goodies. apparently i bless her? really, i've been more blessed by my friends in the past year than i deserve. to every one of you reading this, i appreciate you so much!
steph, i also really appreciate you. tuesday night, she and i went shopping, and i bought an on-sale hoodie spontaneously, as did she! turning me into a skater chick, that girl! okay, so not really ;) but i did buy the hoodie from west49... then we went skating and had the best time ever all by ourselves in the dark, singing and praying and falling over sometimes....
afterwards we made brownies and ate some with icecream and listened to michael buble and other fun music.
tonight i'm up for some more skating....what do you say?
don't dance so fast
last night we had home group. again, a good time. i'm really blessed to have found that group of special people :) and to have a friend like eva, who brought me a gift basket full of goodies. apparently i bless her? really, i've been more blessed by my friends in the past year than i deserve. to every one of you reading this, i appreciate you so much!
steph, i also really appreciate you. tuesday night, she and i went shopping, and i bought an on-sale hoodie spontaneously, as did she! turning me into a skater chick, that girl! okay, so not really ;) but i did buy the hoodie from west49... then we went skating and had the best time ever all by ourselves in the dark, singing and praying and falling over sometimes....
afterwards we made brownies and ate some with icecream and listened to michael buble and other fun music.
tonight i'm up for some more skating....what do you say?
don't dance so fast
Monday, January 17, 2005
fun pie, ladies christian fellowship and no beaded necklaces
wow. what a weekend. what a rockin' awesome, intense, outreach-like, blessed and crazy weekend. i am now fully qualified to run ladies fellowship fundraising meals - if you havent' heard already, we played a much bigger role in joanna's wedding than we expected. six girls in a buick, in below -35 weather, ending up in assiniboia, sk, where we proceed to decorate, make fabulous meat platters, become techies, babysitters, hairdressers and the ultimate ladies fellowship! it was weird to have all that responsibility without expecting it, but! we were able to bless joanna, and for that i am thankful. joanna was the most beautiful bride ever, and it was exciting and scary to see teh love they had for each other. scary, only in that one day it may happen to me, and someday it will happen to nearly every one of us! but beautiful. she sang, and i love listening to her sing. special times. don't worry it's not a disease.
and then i got home for about a half hour, during which i showered and left to go tobogganing with people from church! amazing times were had by all, at paul's house too, where he was very outnumbered and all the boys present spoke with english accents. unfortunately, no beaded necklaces were made. perhaps another time.
i'm talked out. maybe i'll add more later....
last thought: i hate being conscious and aware of the fact that we are now aware of the fact that we are single. and would like relationships. and that one boy out there will be the one. i'd rather be oblivious.
and then i got home for about a half hour, during which i showered and left to go tobogganing with people from church! amazing times were had by all, at paul's house too, where he was very outnumbered and all the boys present spoke with english accents. unfortunately, no beaded necklaces were made. perhaps another time.
i'm talked out. maybe i'll add more later....
last thought: i hate being conscious and aware of the fact that we are now aware of the fact that we are single. and would like relationships. and that one boy out there will be the one. i'd rather be oblivious.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
everyday
I take another clumsy step
I stumble over what I have said
I reach out my trembling hand
Afraid that You won't return the gesture
I am tempted in every way
To ask You to turn the light from me
‘Cause the more I undress my soul
Before You I fear I'll be rejected
But now I see I'm more complete
Every day that I can't live without You
And now I feel I'm more complete
Every day that I can't live without You
~ rik leaf
yesterday had a lot of thought-provoking moments. vulnerability is not something i'm accustomed to. i've been becoming more and more vulnerable with God, but that's because i trust him implicitly. i realized i find it very hard to have made myself vulnerable, even in the smallest way possible, and be rejected. again, not on a large scale, but the feelings are there, even if in small amounts. and rejection hurts. even if it's indirect. but yesterday was good in so many ways, too. steph and i prayed together a bit; always good. tonight i'm off to lori and kendra's to embark on our journey to the land of no return. people our age, friends i've had to let go of, are getting married and there's no turning back. from here on in, everyone will slowly get married. not that it's a bad thing! quite the opposite; it's such a beautiful thing that it overwhelms, intimidates and scares me. beauty in the extreme also has pain. another truth i've learned in the last year.
six girls in one buick for over six hours! Lord, may your grace travel with us, and protect us. may your joy overflow in us and may your love be made evident. our lives are worship to you, we love you, thank you for your closeness! amen!
I stumble over what I have said
I reach out my trembling hand
Afraid that You won't return the gesture
I am tempted in every way
To ask You to turn the light from me
‘Cause the more I undress my soul
Before You I fear I'll be rejected
But now I see I'm more complete
Every day that I can't live without You
And now I feel I'm more complete
Every day that I can't live without You
~ rik leaf
yesterday had a lot of thought-provoking moments. vulnerability is not something i'm accustomed to. i've been becoming more and more vulnerable with God, but that's because i trust him implicitly. i realized i find it very hard to have made myself vulnerable, even in the smallest way possible, and be rejected. again, not on a large scale, but the feelings are there, even if in small amounts. and rejection hurts. even if it's indirect. but yesterday was good in so many ways, too. steph and i prayed together a bit; always good. tonight i'm off to lori and kendra's to embark on our journey to the land of no return. people our age, friends i've had to let go of, are getting married and there's no turning back. from here on in, everyone will slowly get married. not that it's a bad thing! quite the opposite; it's such a beautiful thing that it overwhelms, intimidates and scares me. beauty in the extreme also has pain. another truth i've learned in the last year.
six girls in one buick for over six hours! Lord, may your grace travel with us, and protect us. may your joy overflow in us and may your love be made evident. our lives are worship to you, we love you, thank you for your closeness! amen!
Saturday, January 08, 2005
revolution (again)
i wonder why it is i can't write short entries like so many other people i know. my computer got fixed, praise the Lord, truly for His timing is perfect! why do i doubt?!? tonight i spontaneously went to hear the music with starfield and had the best time ever, in the way of being convicted, enjoying meeting new people ;) aaaaaand being inspired by God's word and worship to Him! by the way, the revolution song by starfield is right on, rocks this world! and i got a letter from one of my english students in taiwan!! what a sweetheart! she sent me a christmas card and a bunch of little stickers with my name and winnie-the-pooh on them! that's big in taiwan....stickers of pretty much anything. she also sent me one of hers. i'm so blessed by the people God places in my life...thank you Jesus! may i live to honor you for your goodness!
good night!
good night!
Friday, January 07, 2005
frustrations and balance
therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ - the Bible. or something like that. so i try not to let the devil take hold of my guilt and condemn me for it. conviction is from the holy spirit, but condemnation is from the devil. but i get so frustrated when i see myself as being selfish, and then wonder why i can't stop, and then tell myself, "i am victorious! Christ has seated me in heavenly places!" and i want to live that! i want to live a life worthy of that! but then i let the little things snag and tear me down! for instance. i've been struggling the past few weeks with knowing what i'm doing. why i'm in university, where i'd rather be, why i'd rather be there, and feeling lonely, but very surrounded at the same time. i've been dreaming about God using me for what i thought was "bigger" stuff. then He told me "marcia, this is a time of waiting. a time for sanctification. my words are true, they will come. my plans are good. wait" so i'm trying. and focussing on his goodness. but then, like yesterday, something perfectly normal and earthly happens and i freak out. my computer stops working. and i mean it stops working. it had some issues, with error messages, telling me to shut down hte one program. so i did. and the screen went black. ctrl/alt/del did nothing, so i shut it down manually. and now it won't start. black screen. i feel very helpless and out of control and i don't like those feelings!! and then we prayed and prayed. and i feel so selfish for praying so selfishly! but am i? or is it the devil telling me i'm being selfish so that i won't bother praying and stop thinking God is good and wants to show me? or is it God saying, again "wait. things happen. a computer is not my purpose for you in life! with or without the internet, i can use you!" i don't know. i'm trying very hard not to stress. i haven't even cried yet. i have a paper due monday, and that's taken care of, lori and kendra have generously allowed me to come to their apartment. and maybe do laundry? ;) and i could go to winkler to bring my computer in this weekend, even though i wasn't planning to go and it would be an inconvenience. and my warranty lasted till today, so i'm calling the place, and hopefully they will be gracious. so why do i worry? because i just want it to work!! for me! so my life is easier! and that's selfish! and i know patience is a virtue....but why does this have to happen to me twice. no one else's computer has gone on this fritz twice. why do i get so selfish? ugh.
Lord, you are in charge. i am yours, and secure no matter my physical circumstances. i am more than secure, i am victorious! in you. i love you Jesus. thank you.
okay. relax, marce.
done.
Lord, you are in charge. i am yours, and secure no matter my physical circumstances. i am more than secure, i am victorious! in you. i love you Jesus. thank you.
okay. relax, marce.
done.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
on with the revolution!
hmm. back at school. not really happy to be there. but! i'm feeling better today than i was a few days ago, praise the Lord for that. really. without him, i would be gone so fast! out and away, who knows where.
i was looking back through all my dts papers, notes, and pictures. we forget so much so easily. we doubt so easily too. reading what i was thinking made me think how much i have to be thankful for and look forward to. especially reading what God was speaking to me in that time. i think too often when we get words from God, or prophetic words from someone else, we (or at least me!) are inspired for the moment by the words for the future, but neglect to take it with us into the future! there were some things that God spoke at that time that i had completely forgotten about and now i see some of it repeated to me in recent weeks. other things i see God has used me in already. and that's exciting! i only wish i could remember better and truly live listening for His voice every moment. but i am so grateful for that time and for the things i was taught, and the fact that i wrote a lot of it down! thank you Jesus!
i'm still reading the book on revolution. really heavy, good stuff. i've taken a long time to read through it, but that's because it's so powerful....like what he has to say about music. this guy's really blunt and passionate,
"music can change our moods and emotions. music can change our outlook and perceptions. music can change a society. it not only reflects the heart and mind of a generation, but it gives direction to that generation, shaping its desires and inspiring its dreams......
music is not merely a mixture of harmony, melody and rhythm. it's a powerful medium given to us by God....Why is the church forever copying the world? and why do we simply take the music of the world and put some catchy lyrics to it instead of joining a "now" message with some "now" music to radically impact a lost generation?" - michael l. brown
and those are my thoughts for today. and i had a great talk with rae and melissa last night, thanks girls :) (note: for all those thinking of driving while discussing relationships and boys, it would be in your best interest to refrain from doing so!)
enjoy your day!
i was looking back through all my dts papers, notes, and pictures. we forget so much so easily. we doubt so easily too. reading what i was thinking made me think how much i have to be thankful for and look forward to. especially reading what God was speaking to me in that time. i think too often when we get words from God, or prophetic words from someone else, we (or at least me!) are inspired for the moment by the words for the future, but neglect to take it with us into the future! there were some things that God spoke at that time that i had completely forgotten about and now i see some of it repeated to me in recent weeks. other things i see God has used me in already. and that's exciting! i only wish i could remember better and truly live listening for His voice every moment. but i am so grateful for that time and for the things i was taught, and the fact that i wrote a lot of it down! thank you Jesus!
i'm still reading the book on revolution. really heavy, good stuff. i've taken a long time to read through it, but that's because it's so powerful....like what he has to say about music. this guy's really blunt and passionate,
"music can change our moods and emotions. music can change our outlook and perceptions. music can change a society. it not only reflects the heart and mind of a generation, but it gives direction to that generation, shaping its desires and inspiring its dreams......
music is not merely a mixture of harmony, melody and rhythm. it's a powerful medium given to us by God....Why is the church forever copying the world? and why do we simply take the music of the world and put some catchy lyrics to it instead of joining a "now" message with some "now" music to radically impact a lost generation?" - michael l. brown
and those are my thoughts for today. and i had a great talk with rae and melissa last night, thanks girls :) (note: for all those thinking of driving while discussing relationships and boys, it would be in your best interest to refrain from doing so!)
enjoy your day!
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