frustrations and balance

therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ - the Bible. or something like that. so i try not to let the devil take hold of my guilt and condemn me for it. conviction is from the holy spirit, but condemnation is from the devil. but i get so frustrated when i see myself as being selfish, and then wonder why i can't stop, and then tell myself, "i am victorious! Christ has seated me in heavenly places!" and i want to live that! i want to live a life worthy of that! but then i let the little things snag and tear me down! for instance. i've been struggling the past few weeks with knowing what i'm doing. why i'm in university, where i'd rather be, why i'd rather be there, and feeling lonely, but very surrounded at the same time. i've been dreaming about God using me for what i thought was "bigger" stuff. then He told me "marcia, this is a time of waiting. a time for sanctification. my words are true, they will come. my plans are good. wait" so i'm trying. and focussing on his goodness. but then, like yesterday, something perfectly normal and earthly happens and i freak out. my computer stops working. and i mean it stops working. it had some issues, with error messages, telling me to shut down hte one program. so i did. and the screen went black. ctrl/alt/del did nothing, so i shut it down manually. and now it won't start. black screen. i feel very helpless and out of control and i don't like those feelings!! and then we prayed and prayed. and i feel so selfish for praying so selfishly! but am i? or is it the devil telling me i'm being selfish so that i won't bother praying and stop thinking God is good and wants to show me? or is it God saying, again "wait. things happen. a computer is not my purpose for you in life! with or without the internet, i can use you!" i don't know. i'm trying very hard not to stress. i haven't even cried yet. i have a paper due monday, and that's taken care of, lori and kendra have generously allowed me to come to their apartment. and maybe do laundry? ;) and i could go to winkler to bring my computer in this weekend, even though i wasn't planning to go and it would be an inconvenience. and my warranty lasted till today, so i'm calling the place, and hopefully they will be gracious. so why do i worry? because i just want it to work!! for me! so my life is easier! and that's selfish! and i know patience is a virtue....but why does this have to happen to me twice. no one else's computer has gone on this fritz twice. why do i get so selfish? ugh.
Lord, you are in charge. i am yours, and secure no matter my physical circumstances. i am more than secure, i am victorious! in you. i love you Jesus. thank you.
okay. relax, marce.
done.