what a good day today was. thank you Jesus for the people you have placed in my life in the last few years. thank you also for the people who have remained in my life through the last few years.
i still want to fall more in love. i want a week of me and God at my ranch. i want...well, maybe to sleep right now. i do tend to ramble when i'm not in bed at a reasonable hour.
grood night.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
who can compare
August 15, 2004
'The simple pleasures of life are a true blessing. I love that God made us such intricate, complex creatures with a myriad of thoughts, emotions and expressions; in life's simple things, great joy and pleasure can abound. music and art are two such pleasures. Seeing things of beauty is a pleasure. fireworks, for instance. what purpose do they serve, other than to delight the spectators? their beauty, however, is breath-taking and exhilirating and so desirable despite lack of practical purpose.
....
Passion is unattainable unless purpose exists, and though some purposes are of a "higher" or more imperative nature, it is of great importance to pursue pleasure in its rightful purpose. God has called me to live for Him, to worship Him, serve Him and others...
this purpose is of utmost importance. yet as a created being of an extravagant Creator, I am fulfilled also by purposing to enjoy Him.
....
in the same way Jesus yearns for our fellowship, I believe he aches for us to participate in his love by choosing to enjoy his pleasures.'
purpose to enjoy Christ!
purpose in your heart to love him and worship our creative God!
'The simple pleasures of life are a true blessing. I love that God made us such intricate, complex creatures with a myriad of thoughts, emotions and expressions; in life's simple things, great joy and pleasure can abound. music and art are two such pleasures. Seeing things of beauty is a pleasure. fireworks, for instance. what purpose do they serve, other than to delight the spectators? their beauty, however, is breath-taking and exhilirating and so desirable despite lack of practical purpose.
....
Passion is unattainable unless purpose exists, and though some purposes are of a "higher" or more imperative nature, it is of great importance to pursue pleasure in its rightful purpose. God has called me to live for Him, to worship Him, serve Him and others...
this purpose is of utmost importance. yet as a created being of an extravagant Creator, I am fulfilled also by purposing to enjoy Him.
....
in the same way Jesus yearns for our fellowship, I believe he aches for us to participate in his love by choosing to enjoy his pleasures.'
purpose to enjoy Christ!
purpose in your heart to love him and worship our creative God!
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
He has given me everything
And I pray
“Make me uneven
I want to lean on you, God.”
a friend of mine wrote those words.
sometimes i find i'm trying so hard to be balanced. to make sure i do enough of everything in my life so that i'm not missing out on anything. to be "all i can be". but too often that striving makes me think i'm all because of me. i don't want to be me. i want to be dead. that sounds extreme, i know. but i don't want to live out of who i am, who i can be. i want to live out of who God is, and who he can use me to be. so my prayer has become "make me uneven." i want to remove all that supports my selfishness and lean on Him alone.
And I pray
“Make me uneven
I want to lean on you, God.”
a friend of mine wrote those words.
sometimes i find i'm trying so hard to be balanced. to make sure i do enough of everything in my life so that i'm not missing out on anything. to be "all i can be". but too often that striving makes me think i'm all because of me. i don't want to be me. i want to be dead. that sounds extreme, i know. but i don't want to live out of who i am, who i can be. i want to live out of who God is, and who he can use me to be. so my prayer has become "make me uneven." i want to remove all that supports my selfishness and lean on Him alone.
Monday, January 23, 2006
so here they are... some pictures from my little trip to KC!! i actually didn't take nearly as many as i should have - too much going on in my head and heart - i was distracted from everyday things like pictures!
this is my beautiful tarah
this is my beautiful tarahNew Year's Eve - it was the BEST party i've ever been at!! worship and more worship (and look carefully - some kids spontaneously started dancing on stage!)
and these wonderful people belong to the James family: Tarah's dad and brother, who graciously allowed me to become part of the family for a week!
Friday, January 20, 2006
here it is
wednesday i did something i have not done in awhile. i coloured! with crayons - i colored winnie-the-pooh playing football and annie coloured eeyore. it was fun :)that same day i went to home group and we talked about faith. and belief. we discussed which comes "first", or whether one is first at all. now, i know where i stand, but the nature of that question (which comes first?) is that people will always argue it, since everyone has a different idea of what each is. the words are the kind of words that can be debated and expounded on to the degree that they can seem the same or vastly different.
i would like to throw another word into the mix. trust. how does that one fit in? (again, i have a formula in my head, but not everyone sees things as i do. also, formulas are not always safe when we are discussing a relationship with God!) i was going to keep this brief... just one more thought. when people pray for healing for others or themselves, they often think "do i have enough faith?" which can lead to a lot of yuckiness when people accuse or argue about amounts of faith. i want to ignore that for now and think about trust when we pray for healing, whether that be physical or spiritual healing. do we trust that God is good? that he wants to give us good gifts? that he is sovereign? that he hears every word we say, and wants us to ask? do we trust the miracles God has performed in the past? do we trust that life in him is abundant? do we trust that in all things, he loves us?
further, do we even know the Word he's given us to build our trust and faith in him? have we immersed ourselves in knowledge of God and the pursuit of relationship with him? i would venture to say that if we haven't, we should be careful about limiting healing to our faith or our doubt. it is up to God. whom we trust.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Sunday, January 15, 2006
prophecy
i've been thinking about the prophetic a lot lately. it's something that is very much a part of the bible, but something i didn't grow up hearing a lot about. many people have various ideas of what prophecy is. some would say it is receiving the word of the Lord from the Spirit about specific events and plans God has. in other words, old testament prophets like isaiah or something. yet the new testament mentions prophecy many times, and tells us (everyone in the church) to earnestly desire to prophesy. now does that mean each of us will receive revelations of judgements to fall on people or specific events of the world? i don't think so.
i'm just growing in my understanding of the prophetic, but as i've been studying the Word and praying about it, i've realized one thing for sure. prophecy is about proclaiming truth from God. we are told to wield the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God (eph. 6:17, i believe). part of our armour as Christ's disciples is the offensive and active sword. the true Word of God. prophecy then, could be as simple as proclaiming what we know to be true by the Word of God.
the chinese name "'ing tsen" was given to me by a friend of mine in tawain. this name means singing truth, specifically God's truth. i believe that singing God's truth is a powerful weapon. david sang and changed things in the spiritual realm. what a powerful combination it is when the prophetic joins song and God's truth is proclaimed. Satan is said to be the prince of the air, with deception as his principal weapon. think of the implications of our singing and saying God's word, in the air, out loud. truth replacing deception.
anyone else have thoughts on this?
i'm just growing in my understanding of the prophetic, but as i've been studying the Word and praying about it, i've realized one thing for sure. prophecy is about proclaiming truth from God. we are told to wield the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God (eph. 6:17, i believe). part of our armour as Christ's disciples is the offensive and active sword. the true Word of God. prophecy then, could be as simple as proclaiming what we know to be true by the Word of God.
the chinese name "'ing tsen" was given to me by a friend of mine in tawain. this name means singing truth, specifically God's truth. i believe that singing God's truth is a powerful weapon. david sang and changed things in the spiritual realm. what a powerful combination it is when the prophetic joins song and God's truth is proclaimed. Satan is said to be the prince of the air, with deception as his principal weapon. think of the implications of our singing and saying God's word, in the air, out loud. truth replacing deception.
anyone else have thoughts on this?
Thursday, January 12, 2006
while i was at onething, i listened to corey russell. this is a young guy with an intense testimony of God's goodness in His life and an equally intense passion for Christ. anyway, corey preached a session about being forerunners like Anna (see Luke 2:36-38) but in the 21st century. Anna prayed and fasted for years, devoting her life to the arrival of the Messiah. once he had come, she continued to proclaim him to everyone around her. Christ is coming again, and we are called to be forerunners and proclaim his truth.
that's all awesome and challenging, but the really interesting part about corey's teaching was the way he interpreted matthew 9:37,38. many times we've heard teachings about not having enough workers to reap the harvest. in other words, "get off your butt, we need more christians to convert all the non-christians." now, i fully endorse getting off your butt to share Jesus, but corey suggested something else. Jesus says "ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." it is not that Jesus wants more bodies out in the field. he wants workers willing to be SENT OUT. we are to ask God for workers who are approved, diligent and who know their calling. we have to know his heart for those in the field, and stand in knowledge that he has chosen us and sent us. contend to know God's heart and be approved by him to handle truth and share it.
it is pointless to have a sea of people who only acknowledge Christ as Lord. it is impacting to have a sea of people who are pursuing God and seeking to understand his heart through devotion, prayer and the Word. ask the Lord for forerunners to move out in the Spirit of God, in His will and on His calling.
can you see why my time in KC was so challenging?
that's all awesome and challenging, but the really interesting part about corey's teaching was the way he interpreted matthew 9:37,38. many times we've heard teachings about not having enough workers to reap the harvest. in other words, "get off your butt, we need more christians to convert all the non-christians." now, i fully endorse getting off your butt to share Jesus, but corey suggested something else. Jesus says "ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." it is not that Jesus wants more bodies out in the field. he wants workers willing to be SENT OUT. we are to ask God for workers who are approved, diligent and who know their calling. we have to know his heart for those in the field, and stand in knowledge that he has chosen us and sent us. contend to know God's heart and be approved by him to handle truth and share it.
it is pointless to have a sea of people who only acknowledge Christ as Lord. it is impacting to have a sea of people who are pursuing God and seeking to understand his heart through devotion, prayer and the Word. ask the Lord for forerunners to move out in the Spirit of God, in His will and on His calling.
can you see why my time in KC was so challenging?
Friday, January 06, 2006
i will not be offended
whenever i start to explain all that went on in my mind and spirit this last week or so, the words seem so lame. so overdone, so "been there, done that". but that's not it at all. i'll still try.
i want to be so abandoned to Christ, and so aware of his love for me, and what he taught in the bible, that i will not be offended when he returns in power and glory. i want to allow the Spirit of God to so badly wound my individuality that the safest place for me is the center of the flame: all of me and my human selfishness burned completely away. i want to welcome his convicting fire into my life to destroy the things that are not of Him. I want to be crucified completely. to not do this would be for me to stare in the face of Jesus, the Son of Man, and say "NO. i do not want to let you be that kind of friend to me." when i avoid reading His word, when i avoid talking to Him, when i choose the mundane and meaningless i am blatantly saying "i don't care enough."
i came to a point on thursday where i was not happy with that. i could see Jesus in front of me, reaching, straining for me to grab his hand. he wouldn't reach down and grab mine unless i removed the shackles i had holding me to all the things around me. it was my choice. i could ask for his grace and remove the things that held me back, or i could sit in my filth and only talk about the beauty of his face as it gazed on me with desperate love. i chose to cry out for his grace and know his beauty and love.
i'll take my cold, cold heart
i'll take my unrenewed mind
i'll take your word in my hand
and i'll give you time to come and melt me
i can't even love you unless you call my name
i can't even worship unless you anoint my heart
i can't even want to unless you want me first
just let my heart be alive
let me be living deep
deep on the inside
come fan the flame
~ misty edwards
i want to be so abandoned to Christ, and so aware of his love for me, and what he taught in the bible, that i will not be offended when he returns in power and glory. i want to allow the Spirit of God to so badly wound my individuality that the safest place for me is the center of the flame: all of me and my human selfishness burned completely away. i want to welcome his convicting fire into my life to destroy the things that are not of Him. I want to be crucified completely. to not do this would be for me to stare in the face of Jesus, the Son of Man, and say "NO. i do not want to let you be that kind of friend to me." when i avoid reading His word, when i avoid talking to Him, when i choose the mundane and meaningless i am blatantly saying "i don't care enough."
i came to a point on thursday where i was not happy with that. i could see Jesus in front of me, reaching, straining for me to grab his hand. he wouldn't reach down and grab mine unless i removed the shackles i had holding me to all the things around me. it was my choice. i could ask for his grace and remove the things that held me back, or i could sit in my filth and only talk about the beauty of his face as it gazed on me with desperate love. i chose to cry out for his grace and know his beauty and love.
i'll take my cold, cold heart
i'll take my unrenewed mind
i'll take your word in my hand
and i'll give you time to come and melt me
i can't even love you unless you call my name
i can't even worship unless you anoint my heart
i can't even want to unless you want me first
just let my heart be alive
let me be living deep
deep on the inside
come fan the flame
~ misty edwards
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
one thing.
you'd think i'd be able to sum it all up with "one thing". but i have so much to say, so much to think and so much to learn. once i have a bit more time, maybe tomorrow, i'll let you all in on some of the things i'm excited about!!
for now, it is enough to say Jesus is my bridegroom, i am waiting for him, i love him and he is worthy!
oh, and i love you tarah!!!
you'd think i'd be able to sum it all up with "one thing". but i have so much to say, so much to think and so much to learn. once i have a bit more time, maybe tomorrow, i'll let you all in on some of the things i'm excited about!!
for now, it is enough to say Jesus is my bridegroom, i am waiting for him, i love him and he is worthy!
oh, and i love you tarah!!!
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