the verdict is (almost) in

well, autopac declared my car a write-off. after first saying it wasn't, then changing their minds. so my parents went to look at it today and my mom said it was strange, knowing someone had been there, seeing the stuff thrown around, broken, etc. they brought me everything in the car...what was stolen? well, my baseball bat (now i have no way to beat off the boys!), my baseball windbreaker from my old ball days, my lawn chair, umbrella, my sunglasses, my homeless loonie (surprise, surprise!) and my low winter boots. but - i am trying to choose to praise the Lord - i have my mittens, my toques, snowpants, expensive winter boots, my runners, my just married sign (ha, holly!) and my baseball cap. and my tapes from YWAM, which were irreplaceable. so thank you Jesus. i will be glad. it feels really weird not seeing my car, though. not having some closure, and knowing, yes, those things are gone, my car is broken in places and i couldn't do anything to stop it. the next big decision to be made is whether or not to buy the car back and get it fixed and safetied....if it's worth it or not. so you can still help me pray about that.... thanks everyone for being there for me.... even if no one really understands (except tanya!). we'll see what happens....

i miss...

why can't i figure this all out??

i had some revelation this morning. in the shower, then in church. aaaand i forget it. not the shower one, but it needs the church one to be suitable for blog entry. meaning, it's far too vulnerable and personal without being able to say it within the context of my second revelation. got it? :) good. i really should write these things down...

while i'm thinking of it, thanks to the boys for getting our ikea lamps up, they're beautiful. so "guns" do come in useful sometimes... ;) as do hammers, but the pot was a decent improvisation. i'm procrastinating again...i think i should create a theme song about how i never do homework and love to procrasitnate...could be pretty horrible, but never anything like our "special number" this morning in church - it was our building's grand opening...and let's just say the worship band took us back to the 80's. which included re-writing "living on a prayer" to tell the story of our pastors and the church.

tomorrow i start my in-class practicum at an elementary school. whoa. and then off to foundations in the evening for good times in the bible!

my emotions, my desire

i have very encouraging friends. even those i do not know on a daily, face-to-face relationship, encourage me and build me up. what is it in me that only hurts when i hear it? crying doesn't make it better, but i do it anyway. someone once told me anyone who married me would be the luckiest guy ever. i don't believe it. and yet i do. that's why it hurts. because i know i was created for intimacy. God placed that desire in me. He creates beauty and He created me. i've had a taste, a glimpse of the extravagance of love Jesus feels toward me. it's beautiful and heart-wrenching, the depth of his love for just me. but that glimpse, allowing me to begin to believe that i am truly desirable, even captivating, can also be a pitfall. as soon as i rest that belief on someone in the flesh, another human, i am hurt. not a specific person even, just humanity. when i believe i am worth it, loved and who ever marries me is lucky, but i believe that in the earthly realm, i hurt. i need to take it beyond that and believe in my spirit, understand in my heart, that it is the Holy Spirit, Jesus, my lover, that provides the foundation for my belief. i am worth it. i am beautiful. i can barely get those words out. i feel conceited. but in the spiritual, where my life is lifted up, my slavation is secure, it is true. i can believe it. you can believe it. Jesus says "the Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. the words i have spoken to you are spirit and they are life."
amen

praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can you guess?????
can you guess why i'm excited?????

THEY FOUND MY CAR!!!!!!
God is good. now let's just pray the damage is easily repaired and my stuff is mostly there....

*happy dances!*

finally!!

well, here they are. the long awaited pictures from iowa. not all, but some. here's lori and i ready to get down to the dirt in the deep, dank basement. the matching t-shirts was fluke :) We actually ended up going shopping that afternoon, only our clothes were dirty by that point! shopping for 20 people for 10 days was .... an adventure to say the least. in the end, our kids were fed, and that basement was transformed from dingy to delightful. never mind the inexperience of those who drywalled....

here's a couple of the kids our youth group spent time with .... we had activities almost every evening with teh whole church - what a community!
after days of muggy heat, the rain was wonderful! with that many kids playing in the rain, it was next to impossible to stay dry!

who needs an umbrella at this point??!

do you know how i love you so?

Jesus. what a beautiful name. my friend jessica quoted someone else as saying you don't really possess anything unless you are willing to pursue it. while the beautiful name of Jesus has transformed my life, who i am and what i believe, it has also caused me struggles. struggles and wrestles that have challenged me and driven me bonkers. but in the end, none of it would be worth it if it wasn't for the name Jesus and everything He means to me. so this name above all names just sends my life spinning, but no spinning would be no life.

uuunfortunately i have news

my car has been stolen. i'm not in freak-out mode, but neither am i feeling completely at ease. i just can't believe it. gone shopping for two hours, and it's gone. away. along with my "just married" sticker, the purpley stuffed tiger, my baseball bat, my lawn chair, my winter boots, my favorite mittens, scarf, crocheted toques....i kept a lot of things in my car.

i find most guys tend to laugh at this or say "i wish my car had been stolen!" and most girls tend to feel horrible for me. frankly i prefer the latter.

on to happier subjects!!! i'm presently experiencing the wonders of DSL on my very own computer. no more dial-up for me!!! we got a house-warming gift from eric, some pretty lamps. ikea. yesterday we went down the riverwalk to the forks and purchased bamboo and grass mats.

yesterday i also had a major breakthrough with something i've been dealing with. or not wanting to deal with, more aptly. i was being, very bluntly, unChristlike to the strongest degree. Jesus is all about relationship and extravagant love despite. despite all and everything. i wasn't. in the very manner with which Christ wants us to emulate him in all his glory and beauty, i was deliberately choosing to do the opposite. the result is a lack of humility and desperation - both of which are the basis of pure worship. God is good. in challenging and changing. always good.
"God is speaks to us everytime" ~ dani ma'u

eeks

it's been awhile, hey? well, we still don't have the intranat hooked up at our new apartment, so for now i satisfy my itching fingers in my favorite computer lab at the uni. i had my first day of school yesterday, and i must say i'm feeling better about it than last year. i have a much heavier course load, so i'll actually have to do homework, but the courses are more intriguing to me, and i have friends!! yay for friends. and plus, i have the coolest apartment, with lots of cool shops to spend my money at!!! only i shouldn't do that. i shouldn't. this weekend i'm staying in (yay!) and going to church and a house-warming party....should be gooders. plus we're finally getting a couch. this morning i finally took a shower (not that baths hadn't been taken....i know you're thinking i'm gross) because we bought a shower curtain! it's very pretty. but we have no fan in our bathroom. a little on the humid side.

the only other news i have is that....oh dear. i can't even think of it!! that leaves only one word for me to say
FLARKE
(for more details, please contact annie, jen or myself)