one year

i'm not sure what to say, think or feel. but here's a psalm that has been on my heart for the past week or so. God will fight for us! whatever our struggles, whatever our pain, He desires us and will fight for us with true POWER. let your heart be swept away by the passion of his response to the cry of our hearts. pray it out. it blows me away, everytime.

psalm 18

I love you, O LORD, my strength.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;

my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.

He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,

and I am saved from my enemies.
The cords of death entangled me;

the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
In my distress I called to the LORD;

I cried to my God for help.

From his temple he heard my voice;

my cry came before him, into his ears.
The earth trembled and quaked,

and the foundations of the mountains shook;

they trembled because he was angry.

Smoke rose from his nostrils;

consuming fire came from his mouth,

burning coals blazed out of it.
He parted the heavens and came down;

dark clouds were under his feet.
Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,

with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
The LORD thundered from heaven;

the voice of the Most High resounded.

He shot his arrows and scattered the enemies ,

great bolts of lightning and routed them.
The valleys of the sea were exposed

and the foundations of the earth laid bare

at your rebuke, O LORD,

at the blast of breath from your nostrils.
He reached down from on high and took hold of me;

he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,

from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,

but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;

he rescued me because he delighted in me.

~

You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;

my God turns my darkness into light.
With your help I can advance against a troop;

with my God I can scale a wall.
As for God, his way is perfect;

the word of the LORD is flawless.

He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the LORD ?

And who is the Rock except our God?

~

The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!

Exalted be God my Savior!
He is the God who avenges me, who subdues nations under me,
who saves me from my enemies.

You exalted me above my foes;

from violent men you rescued me.
Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD;

I will sing praises to your name.

make my wish come true

here it is:
my very first cowboy hat. compliments of my very first cowboy friend. although he's not my first friend. just my first friend that is like a cowboy. and he gave me a hat. thanks eric!

only one dilemma left... (although eric has an answer for this too)...
what do i use my cowboy hat fund for?? do i really want a belt buckle??

so i'm stting here wondering why on earth i agreed to write a huge paper for my prof in exchange for no exams. WHY!??! it makes me nervous. if he believes i can do it, i should too, right? i'm still nervous. i think i'm afraid of committing to a project that large. for as well as i do in school, i sure don't like trying that hard. now don't laugh at my next question.

"is that a sin?"

something i've been debating but not wanting to say out loud. i like school, i like learning. but i procrastinate and don't try my hardest. and frankly, i'm uncomfortable doing things that push me past my abilities. now in some situations in life, i'm secure enough in my abilities to step out in certain ways. for example, i'd never planned food for a mission trip before, but i knew i had lori with me, i knew we had planned a dinner theatre once, and i knew i loved the kids and they loved me. i was secure enough in those things to step out and try something different.

i know i can write. but now, instead of someone telling me that i get an A on my paper, this person is telling me to take it further. they're expecting something of me. theyd don't want me to just drop off my paper on the due date, and let them put a letter on it. nope, this prof wants me to consult with him and write the paper with him. that's pressure to do well. i definitely don't feel that with my other courses. why oh why do i struggle with this??
hmmm.

sing

think about this a little bit.

You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have stolen my heart
with one glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace.

How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much more pleasing is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!
~ song of songs

this is the lover speaking to his beloved. God speaking to you. how do you feel about that?

"We've taught for years the mistaken notion that we need to go to church to fill up on the life of God. Not true! We can only fill up on God's life through a transforming relationship with the Father through his Son. We were never meant to come to fill ourselves with church, but to live full of him and then share his life together with God's people."

i found this article through another blog, and it really made me think. i've attended a variety of churches in the past 2 years, since 'leaving' winkler. being back at home with my family at church, there are a lot of thoughts going through my head. it's what i'm familiar with, but not what i'm used to anymore. too often, i find myself over-analyzing all aspects of a worship service, no matter what church i am at. we come expecting so much of church life.

reminds me of lori's post awhile ago, asking "why have i come and what did i bring?" a good question to ask yourself as you go to church.

sorry this was a little random.

salvation

yesterday at home group we discussed salvation. there are some pretty intense verses in the bible about the wrath of God and our turning our back on salvation! the nature of God is so crazy! He CANNOT stand sin, and he must destroy it, yet he is LOVE. no wonder humans struggle and argue about theology so much!

but the thought that struck me the most came in the first few minutes of the evening. we had a larger group than usual, so the discussion flow was noticeably different. however, todd began by asking questions. a really basic one was "how do we use the words 'save' or 'saved' in everday language?" immediately i realized that i have put my "christianese" meaning to the term salvation and forgotten the connotation when Jesus used the word, even before He was crucified and glorified! when we save something, we are not only saving it from something, but we often save it for something.

Jesus saves us from the consequences of sin in hell, but he also saves us FOR HIM. to worship, to represent his truth and reveal his grace. the hope enters in when we know we are saved for a purpose, not just saved from a bad thing. our lives are impassioned when we repent and want to be used for God, by God, not when we just want to escape hell.

we are saved. not have been, not will be. we are. and we are being saved for his glory!

burn

"'Bind the sacrifice with cords, even unto the horns of the altar.' The altar means fire - burning and purification and insulation for one purpose only, the destruction of every affinity that God has not started and of every attachment that is not an attachment in God. You do not destroy it, God does; you bind the sacrifice to the horns of the altar; and see that you do not give way to self-pity when the fire begins."
~ oswald chambers

the only safe place is in the center of the flame.

modernists

well the weekend is over and so is the wedding. things went well, all considered. wait for the pictures...i'm too lazy to get them developed before reading week!

i had some interesting experiences this weekend. i'm always looking out for my own interests. really. and it is so uncomfortable to realize it and somehow not be able to change it! and yet, our guest speaker at church this morning said if you are not uncomfortable in your relationship with Christ, in your faith and life, chances are you aren't going anywhere. so maybe there's hope that i'm moving forward? is being aware at least a step towards changing my heart?

it is always interesting to see yourself from someone else's perspective.

tomorrow is the day

my friend is getting married. doesn't she look excited?
i just can't believe it. we're that old.
have a good weekend everyone!