so i'm stting here wondering why on earth i agreed to write a huge paper for my prof in exchange for no exams. WHY!??! it makes me nervous. if he believes i can do it, i should too, right? i'm still nervous. i think i'm afraid of committing to a project that large. for as well as i do in school, i sure don't like trying that hard. now don't laugh at my next question.

"is that a sin?"

something i've been debating but not wanting to say out loud. i like school, i like learning. but i procrastinate and don't try my hardest. and frankly, i'm uncomfortable doing things that push me past my abilities. now in some situations in life, i'm secure enough in my abilities to step out in certain ways. for example, i'd never planned food for a mission trip before, but i knew i had lori with me, i knew we had planned a dinner theatre once, and i knew i loved the kids and they loved me. i was secure enough in those things to step out and try something different.

i know i can write. but now, instead of someone telling me that i get an A on my paper, this person is telling me to take it further. they're expecting something of me. theyd don't want me to just drop off my paper on the due date, and let them put a letter on it. nope, this prof wants me to consult with him and write the paper with him. that's pressure to do well. i definitely don't feel that with my other courses. why oh why do i struggle with this??
hmmm.