this is a post dedicated to my friend joel foo (aka foel junk, the pirate king). thank you for not ignoring me when i yelled your name and jumped across lawn chairs to hug you at the parade!!! it was so good to see you again - and lindsey, you are beautiful. you are both awesome children of God and i'm excited to see where God will take you!!
on another note, i'm done work!!!! those exclamation points do not even begin to convey my excitement!!! what a summer.
now for the moving in and living in our awesome little apartment - may the love abound!
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Thursday, August 25, 2005
saint theresa
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly
where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities
that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into our bones,
and allow your soul
the freedom
to sing, dance, praise and love.
this was in a forward i received today...but it resounded. our God is truly amazing. He is worthy of all we give Him.
May you trust God that you are exactly
where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities
that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into our bones,
and allow your soul
the freedom
to sing, dance, praise and love.
this was in a forward i received today...but it resounded. our God is truly amazing. He is worthy of all we give Him.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
4 and a half more days of work!!!
woot.
that is my present excitement. my present nervousness is knowing i may have to do a presentation in front of city council tonight. my boss is sick, and not in the office today, and if she isn't feeling better by this evening, i have to do it. NERVOUS! at least i "know" the mayor. sort of. that actually makes it more awkward because he knows me and i've done stuff in our church.
what else can i say? oh yes. i have no lunch. but i had a "dang-good/dagwood" sandwich for breakfast this morning, so all is well in my belly. i wish i had meaningful things to say.
why is running away so ingrained in the responses of humans? despite being told i like to make people uncomfortable, and that i'm good at broaching touchy subjects without being offensive, i'm not really confrontational. i sometimes wish i was. i wish we could say things right up front and not worry about hurting feelings. and that honesty wouldn't have to be accompanied by risk. but it is. even if we have done nothing on our part to make it so. am i being vague? most likely. my desire for transparency is hard because if i'm transparent i'm vulnerable. and i don't always desire that. also, i can be very vague, which isn't very transparent. but the other thing about being so open is that you have to keep doing it, even when other people aren't. how to balance that? someone opens themselves and the other person would rather stay closed. does being transparent and open mean that you are open to everyone no matter what, or that you are open when it it prudet only? and how do you decide what is prudent without letting personal fears get in the way? i could make a whole entry on questions i have. thanks chris. if any teacher/leader of mine has made me question everything i hear/learn, it's chris keim. it's annoying!!! and good....oh my. i should quit before i confuse myself more. i promise one day there will be pictures of iowa and not just my ramblings!!
that is my present excitement. my present nervousness is knowing i may have to do a presentation in front of city council tonight. my boss is sick, and not in the office today, and if she isn't feeling better by this evening, i have to do it. NERVOUS! at least i "know" the mayor. sort of. that actually makes it more awkward because he knows me and i've done stuff in our church.
what else can i say? oh yes. i have no lunch. but i had a "dang-good/dagwood" sandwich for breakfast this morning, so all is well in my belly. i wish i had meaningful things to say.
why is running away so ingrained in the responses of humans? despite being told i like to make people uncomfortable, and that i'm good at broaching touchy subjects without being offensive, i'm not really confrontational. i sometimes wish i was. i wish we could say things right up front and not worry about hurting feelings. and that honesty wouldn't have to be accompanied by risk. but it is. even if we have done nothing on our part to make it so. am i being vague? most likely. my desire for transparency is hard because if i'm transparent i'm vulnerable. and i don't always desire that. also, i can be very vague, which isn't very transparent. but the other thing about being so open is that you have to keep doing it, even when other people aren't. how to balance that? someone opens themselves and the other person would rather stay closed. does being transparent and open mean that you are open to everyone no matter what, or that you are open when it it prudet only? and how do you decide what is prudent without letting personal fears get in the way? i could make a whole entry on questions i have. thanks chris. if any teacher/leader of mine has made me question everything i hear/learn, it's chris keim. it's annoying!!! and good....oh my. i should quit before i confuse myself more. i promise one day there will be pictures of iowa and not just my ramblings!!
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
i am alive
busy, but alive. we're leading worship this sunday...tonight we talked about being women of God and being beautiful. many thoughts, too many for words and now. i'll leave you with a quote i appreciate though...
"we have the rest of our lives to get old, and if we die before then, we'll die young."
~ pete & betty wieler - fearless leaders of the younger generation, bold and beautiful
"we have the rest of our lives to get old, and if we die before then, we'll die young."
~ pete & betty wieler - fearless leaders of the younger generation, bold and beautiful
Thursday, August 11, 2005
how much time in your life have you spent wishing, longing, dreaming of something? and how often have you stifled it, thinking you should get over it, or long for something better? it's the stuff stories are made of. Every story is told by desires. i wrote an essay on that, but i will refrain, for your benefit :)
but really, i've spent so much of my life wishing for things i thought i didn't need. i know that doesn't make much sense. here's my story: i made a vow in grade 8 that i would not date in highschool. the result of that vow? well, i didn't waste my time dating and getting hurt by boys or anything, BUT i also closed myself off to enjoying friendships with guys. i still had guy friends, but i was pretty closed up. i told myself it was ridiculous to want what i denied i wanted. coming out of highschool, i thought, i've grown up, i know attraction is normal and here i go! yeah. okay. i would like to get married one day. so i think about it a lot more now than i ever did. yet the Holy Spirit also tells me Jesus is my lover. He is. as much as i would like a guy to pursue me, tell me i'm beautiful, He does!! Jesus chases me, he loves my heart, even when it's filthy, and here i am wishing i had a special someone. so all these thoughts are in my head, but i can't make them stick. the man-made solution? i tell myself to think about Mr. Right less, stifle that desire, and my desire for God and my understanding of his love for me will increase. is that what the Spirit says? according to a good friend of mine (whose revelation this really is), NO! it's not that we need to stifle our desire for a special relationship with a guy, but we need to desire God more! it's not something that happens by default, when we quit wanting a boyfriend. it's something that happens when we CHOOSE to make it happen. one of the craziest things God gave us was a free will. the will to decide. i can decide to desire God and know His love for me even more. because that is what will truly fulfill me. it's not bad to want a boyfriend, it's just not as important! and besides, i can't do anything about it anyways, besides being who i am in Christ. but i can pursue Christ, because i KNOW he loves me, and i KNOW he's perfect for me!
but really, i've spent so much of my life wishing for things i thought i didn't need. i know that doesn't make much sense. here's my story: i made a vow in grade 8 that i would not date in highschool. the result of that vow? well, i didn't waste my time dating and getting hurt by boys or anything, BUT i also closed myself off to enjoying friendships with guys. i still had guy friends, but i was pretty closed up. i told myself it was ridiculous to want what i denied i wanted. coming out of highschool, i thought, i've grown up, i know attraction is normal and here i go! yeah. okay. i would like to get married one day. so i think about it a lot more now than i ever did. yet the Holy Spirit also tells me Jesus is my lover. He is. as much as i would like a guy to pursue me, tell me i'm beautiful, He does!! Jesus chases me, he loves my heart, even when it's filthy, and here i am wishing i had a special someone. so all these thoughts are in my head, but i can't make them stick. the man-made solution? i tell myself to think about Mr. Right less, stifle that desire, and my desire for God and my understanding of his love for me will increase. is that what the Spirit says? according to a good friend of mine (whose revelation this really is), NO! it's not that we need to stifle our desire for a special relationship with a guy, but we need to desire God more! it's not something that happens by default, when we quit wanting a boyfriend. it's something that happens when we CHOOSE to make it happen. one of the craziest things God gave us was a free will. the will to decide. i can decide to desire God and know His love for me even more. because that is what will truly fulfill me. it's not bad to want a boyfriend, it's just not as important! and besides, i can't do anything about it anyways, besides being who i am in Christ. but i can pursue Christ, because i KNOW he loves me, and i KNOW he's perfect for me!
Monday, August 08, 2005
jesus
I want to fall in love
I want to feel that rush
Running into my heart
Shaking up my soul
Feeling like I've never felt before
I want to fall in love
I want to feel that touch
I've only dreamed about it
I've been living without it
and that's not good enough
I want to fall in love
~ lila mcmann
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see HimS
omeday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'llpray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion
"I want to fall in love with You"
~ jars of clay
I want to feel that rush
Running into my heart
Shaking up my soul
Feeling like I've never felt before
I want to fall in love
I want to feel that touch
I've only dreamed about it
I've been living without it
and that's not good enough
I want to fall in love
~ lila mcmann
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see HimS
omeday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'llpray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion
"I want to fall in love with You"
~ jars of clay
Thursday, August 04, 2005
i've been tagged?!!?
it happened. i'm doing something "social" with other bloggers. my life is the internet....wait, i'm not living with jen yet!!! :) sorry dear. anyways, my favorite steph tagged me, so here's my little life responses....
10 years ago today-> wow. i can't remember that far back. let's see, i was probably outside in the garden, on our yard, playing with random animals, helping my mom, and going for bike rides. oh those carefree days!!!
1 year ago-> i was at my ranch in alberta, on debriefing from my DTS outreach to taiwan. we had just arrived off our "wan" from the calgary airport and i remember feeling an overwhelming feeling of "i'm home!!". that was an intense and yet relaxing time. i miss that place...
Yesterday -> well, i went to work and enjoyed doing nothing, chatting with joanna for the first time in a long time. i also visited mallory down the hall, and reminisced about my last 10 days in iowa :) in the evening i picked up my pictures, spent some time with jen, called holly, and went home to cry to my mom. more on that when i post my original entry (before i was tagged) later on....
Tomorrow -> work again, and in the evening i'm not sure...i may begin to pack up things to move to winnipeg again....but saturday i'm heading in for todd & andrea's wedding!!!! and church on sunday, of course!
5 snacks I enjoy -> bubble tea, chocolate, chips and salsa, cookies, fruit
5 adult beverages I enjoy -> if you're shocked by this you don't know me....i've never had an "adult beverage" meaning anything alcoholic. ha!
5 bands I know the lyrics to-> only 5?!!? relientk, worship like jason upton, chris tomlin, skillet and kutless, switchfoot, most country...
5 things I would do with $100 000 000 -> start an orphanage in romania, invest myself in some YWAM base or mission location and teach, help out people around me, sponsor christian art to rock this world, and travel with my band (that doesn't quite completely exist yet, but hey!)!!
5 locations I would like to run away to -> the bush, the ocean, europe (scotland, germany esp.), china....i'm not very picky!
5 bad habits I have -> assuming, procrastinating, critiquing, cracking my ankle, talking too much/too loud
5 things I love doing -> singing/piano/guitar - worship!, playing volleyball/fastball, talking (friends, family!), debating :)
5 things I would never wear -> anything too tight, those sumo suits, rings attached to my body anywhere....
5 tv shows I like -> havent' got a tv, and don't really miss it, but i like gilmore girls, some CSI, Alias, the cosby show, I love Lucy, I Dream of Jeanie...
5 movies I like-> Remember the Titans, Braveheart, Win a date with Tad Hamilton, Robin Hood (disney!), Anne of Green Gables
5 famous people I would love to meet-> hmmm. Jesus. ummm. Peter. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Corrie ten Boom. now for someone who is alive today...john eldredge.
5 biggest joys at the moment -> the relationships i built over the last year, ten days, whatever! getting to know Jesus better, my puppies, worshipping, and reading.
5 favorite toys-> books, my camera, my baseball glove/bat, piano, crochet hook :)
5 people to tag -> lori, jen, kendra, joel (whichever one reads this first!), and holly!
now i know it's just like one of those e-mails, but it is amusing and enlightening so go for it! that reminds me, we should most definitely watch some ken davis sometime soon!!
10 years ago today-> wow. i can't remember that far back. let's see, i was probably outside in the garden, on our yard, playing with random animals, helping my mom, and going for bike rides. oh those carefree days!!!
1 year ago-> i was at my ranch in alberta, on debriefing from my DTS outreach to taiwan. we had just arrived off our "wan" from the calgary airport and i remember feeling an overwhelming feeling of "i'm home!!". that was an intense and yet relaxing time. i miss that place...
Yesterday -> well, i went to work and enjoyed doing nothing, chatting with joanna for the first time in a long time. i also visited mallory down the hall, and reminisced about my last 10 days in iowa :) in the evening i picked up my pictures, spent some time with jen, called holly, and went home to cry to my mom. more on that when i post my original entry (before i was tagged) later on....
Tomorrow -> work again, and in the evening i'm not sure...i may begin to pack up things to move to winnipeg again....but saturday i'm heading in for todd & andrea's wedding!!!! and church on sunday, of course!
5 snacks I enjoy -> bubble tea, chocolate, chips and salsa, cookies, fruit
5 adult beverages I enjoy -> if you're shocked by this you don't know me....i've never had an "adult beverage" meaning anything alcoholic. ha!
5 bands I know the lyrics to-> only 5?!!? relientk, worship like jason upton, chris tomlin, skillet and kutless, switchfoot, most country...
5 things I would do with $100 000 000 -> start an orphanage in romania, invest myself in some YWAM base or mission location and teach, help out people around me, sponsor christian art to rock this world, and travel with my band (that doesn't quite completely exist yet, but hey!)!!
5 locations I would like to run away to -> the bush, the ocean, europe (scotland, germany esp.), china....i'm not very picky!
5 bad habits I have -> assuming, procrastinating, critiquing, cracking my ankle, talking too much/too loud
5 things I love doing -> singing/piano/guitar - worship!, playing volleyball/fastball, talking (friends, family!), debating :)
5 things I would never wear -> anything too tight, those sumo suits, rings attached to my body anywhere....
5 tv shows I like -> havent' got a tv, and don't really miss it, but i like gilmore girls, some CSI, Alias, the cosby show, I love Lucy, I Dream of Jeanie...
5 movies I like-> Remember the Titans, Braveheart, Win a date with Tad Hamilton, Robin Hood (disney!), Anne of Green Gables
5 famous people I would love to meet-> hmmm. Jesus. ummm. Peter. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Corrie ten Boom. now for someone who is alive today...john eldredge.
5 biggest joys at the moment -> the relationships i built over the last year, ten days, whatever! getting to know Jesus better, my puppies, worshipping, and reading.
5 favorite toys-> books, my camera, my baseball glove/bat, piano, crochet hook :)
5 people to tag -> lori, jen, kendra, joel (whichever one reads this first!), and holly!
now i know it's just like one of those e-mails, but it is amusing and enlightening so go for it! that reminds me, we should most definitely watch some ken davis sometime soon!!
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
once again, Golden Grahams are the man!
plese, leve the kees on the frige.
wow. this last week was amazing. check out lori's blog, i amen everything she said! it was the best experience ever for learning to be the church, the body of Christ. i made so many awesome relationships, i left a little bit of me out there. and incidentally, my relientk cd, which is also a part of me. i'm sore all around, but i have been challenged and conquered fears. i'm so proud of the youth we took - even though i was thought to be a youth most of the time! these kids know what it is to desire God, his presence and truth. woo! i can't explain it all, but praying with them was a blessing and adventure everytime! going shopping for food the first time was like a comedic horror film, but lori and i pushed through to succeed (right?!!?)
one of the biggest things was the worship. we worshipped each and every day together, in whatever we did. i loved it!!! i may have felt like puking minutes before playing piano for the worship service on thursday, but the Spirit was SO PRESENT and so moving, the worship was powerful. mmm. here was a week where spiritual, mental and physical realities collided and the spiritual reigned, as it should always. live by the Spirit!! and never forget, even if Golden Grahams are the man, Jesus is the man of infinity Golden Grahams!!
"best ever" snippet - we had one of the guys we spent time with become a believer and disciple of Jesus while we were there!!! before he even told us, we could see the change - talk about making me want to dance!!!! hallelujah with the angels!!!
watch for pictures :)
wow. this last week was amazing. check out lori's blog, i amen everything she said! it was the best experience ever for learning to be the church, the body of Christ. i made so many awesome relationships, i left a little bit of me out there. and incidentally, my relientk cd, which is also a part of me. i'm sore all around, but i have been challenged and conquered fears. i'm so proud of the youth we took - even though i was thought to be a youth most of the time! these kids know what it is to desire God, his presence and truth. woo! i can't explain it all, but praying with them was a blessing and adventure everytime! going shopping for food the first time was like a comedic horror film, but lori and i pushed through to succeed (right?!!?)
one of the biggest things was the worship. we worshipped each and every day together, in whatever we did. i loved it!!! i may have felt like puking minutes before playing piano for the worship service on thursday, but the Spirit was SO PRESENT and so moving, the worship was powerful. mmm. here was a week where spiritual, mental and physical realities collided and the spiritual reigned, as it should always. live by the Spirit!! and never forget, even if Golden Grahams are the man, Jesus is the man of infinity Golden Grahams!!
"best ever" snippet - we had one of the guys we spent time with become a believer and disciple of Jesus while we were there!!! before he even told us, we could see the change - talk about making me want to dance!!!! hallelujah with the angels!!!
watch for pictures :)
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