how much time in your life have you spent wishing, longing, dreaming of something? and how often have you stifled it, thinking you should get over it, or long for something better? it's the stuff stories are made of. Every story is told by desires. i wrote an essay on that, but i will refrain, for your benefit :)

but really, i've spent so much of my life wishing for things i thought i didn't need. i know that doesn't make much sense. here's my story: i made a vow in grade 8 that i would not date in highschool. the result of that vow? well, i didn't waste my time dating and getting hurt by boys or anything, BUT i also closed myself off to enjoying friendships with guys. i still had guy friends, but i was pretty closed up. i told myself it was ridiculous to want what i denied i wanted. coming out of highschool, i thought, i've grown up, i know attraction is normal and here i go! yeah. okay. i would like to get married one day. so i think about it a lot more now than i ever did. yet the Holy Spirit also tells me Jesus is my lover. He is. as much as i would like a guy to pursue me, tell me i'm beautiful, He does!! Jesus chases me, he loves my heart, even when it's filthy, and here i am wishing i had a special someone. so all these thoughts are in my head, but i can't make them stick. the man-made solution? i tell myself to think about Mr. Right less, stifle that desire, and my desire for God and my understanding of his love for me will increase. is that what the Spirit says? according to a good friend of mine (whose revelation this really is), NO! it's not that we need to stifle our desire for a special relationship with a guy, but we need to desire God more! it's not something that happens by default, when we quit wanting a boyfriend. it's something that happens when we CHOOSE to make it happen. one of the craziest things God gave us was a free will. the will to decide. i can decide to desire God and know His love for me even more. because that is what will truly fulfill me. it's not bad to want a boyfriend, it's just not as important! and besides, i can't do anything about it anyways, besides being who i am in Christ. but i can pursue Christ, because i KNOW he loves me, and i KNOW he's perfect for me!