whoa whoa (not slow down)

Jesus loves me.

Jesus wants me to look at him with love.

His heart is moved when my heart turns to his.

He loves me!! He notices when I'm away. He misses me.

that is revolutionary.

grouchy pants

this is how writing papers makes me feel.

the flowers

apparently marriage is something to look forward to. i asked a friend recently how married life was and his response made me smile and wonder.

"Amazing! There are no words and yet far too many. It's a poem that shall never be written, an experience that will never fully be understood, a state that cannot be disturbed. It is the fullness of something only God could have designed."

if only it were like that for everyone. no wonder broken marriages and families hurt so much and wreak so much havoc on our lives and society - something that has the potential to be so beautiful can only be devastating when destroyed or mistreated.

exciting yet sobering. wow.

this ship went down in sight of land

i wish i had something fun to say for you all.

i like funny stories, but i have few to tell. unless writing papers is hilarious to you, and me procrastinating is also humorous, i won't have much to make you smile for awhile.

although, today was my last day at my practicum. and kids are always fun/funny. i love my students. they're a little crazy, but it's some good times at my school. i was swarmed all afternoon with ...
"mrs. krahn, are you really never coming back?"
"ms. krahn, why are you leaving?"
"ms. krahn, we're going to miss you, you're pretty special."

that last one was my favorite: one of the kids who is often sullen and refuses to apply himself at all told me about 4 times that i was special to their class and they would miss me and he might cry. i'm a believer in loving kids into learning...that encouraged me that he might perhaps be impacted somehow, deep down, even if he might not show it!

God can raise the dead

but do i have faith?

there are a lot of dead, ugly and dark things in my heart. things i have not dealt with, issues i have ignored and things that i don't want to deal with. things that Christ can redeem. he has taken my life from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light. he is the king of restoration - it's what he loves to do. but i'm not letting him close enough to do it. i'm scared to be vulnerable enough to allow Christ to resurrect those dark things. he can. i know he can. but do i have faith that he can?

i'm in the process of stepping out in faith and believing things can change even though i feel like i should hide myself. the funny thing is that faith is enabled by God himself. so unless i surrender to him and allow him to awaken faith in me, i have nothing. i can't just "step out" on my own strength, in faith. the whole "stepping out in faith" requires my vulnerability to Christ and my acknowledgment that i have no faith. simple, confusing and foolish to the world. wisdom in God. i don't want to live by the world's understnading anymore.

"come and unlock my heart and move me to love you"

thank you, whoever you are

so i was randomly looking at blogs off of another friend's links, and i stumbled upon someone who said the following and captured my thoughts of the day completely.

Do you ever feel like you have abandoned your life? Like, one day you just stopped being the person that you had always been and started living the way someone else would? I mean, it's not bad to make changes to your life and like adjust certain aspects of it in order to become a better person...but have you ever felt like you've lost yourself?

I don't know. I have just been thinking lately...and I just sort of felt weird. Not really like me. Sigh. I'm not sure how to explain it.

Ever wonder how other people see you? Ever wonder if they know that even though you're acting like you've always acted with them, that things are different in your world now? Ever wonder if they see through the image you project?

i feel like an angsty teenager. wasn't i supposed to go through all this years ago? i just don't feel like myself. and i know it's not all about feelings...but they sure affect my day...

looking back

thanks crystal :)

perfect love - drop dead

just over a year ago i wrote a poem. since i don't like to share my poetry publicly, i'll just give you a line or two. i was reading it today, and it caught what i'm feeling and thinking.

drop dead
the intensity of love
so strong it kills

yesterday at home group we were talking about trusting God. fear stops me from fully trusting. but perfect love casts out fear. do i really love God? do i really love those in my life that i say i do? or is my love something pathetic that i'd rather not look at? i think my love is pathetic. no less authentic, because i'm trying, but it is pathetic. i am incapable of real love. i NEED God's love to love through me - i don't have perfect love, and therefore my love cannot cast out my own fears. God's perfect love casts out my fears.

i hear you say as you gaze over the balcony of heaven
i hear you say as peer through the lattice of time
i hear you say as you rejoice over me

"oh angels, oh angels, look and see
through that dark night of faith she is gazing at me
oh angels oh angels, look and see
through that cloud of longing she's gazing at me
you have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride
with one glance of your eye"

over and over and over again
i will stir up my heart to lay hold of you
~ misty edwards

roast a turkey

seriously, how did it suddenly get so cold again? we had a week of blissful slush and sun - only to have me wake up this morning and take the bus because the windchill was below -40...

on another note, there is the cutest old man with a plaid shirt and glasses sitting in the cafeteria here at the university, reading a little little book. he looks like he could be my grandpa's brother. only i doubt anyone from grandpa's family has ever been in the university.

i know i was supposed to blog about something so i wouldn't be all talk...but i can't remember what!

i'm sorry i'm so dull...i must be a little preoccupied or something...