I take another clumsy step
I stumble over what I have said
I reach out my trembling hand
Afraid that You won't return the gesture
I am tempted in every way
To ask You to turn the light from me
‘Cause the more I undress my soul
Before You I fear I'll be rejected
But now I see I'm more complete
Every day that I can't live without You
And now I feel I'm more complete
Every day that I can't live without You
~ rik leaf
yesterday had a lot of thought-provoking moments. vulnerability is not something i'm accustomed to. i've been becoming more and more vulnerable with God, but that's because i trust him implicitly. i realized i find it very hard to have made myself vulnerable, even in the smallest way possible, and be rejected. again, not on a large scale, but the feelings are there, even if in small amounts. and rejection hurts. even if it's indirect. but yesterday was good in so many ways, too. steph and i prayed together a bit; always good. tonight i'm off to lori and kendra's to embark on our journey to the land of no return. people our age, friends i've had to let go of, are getting married and there's no turning back. from here on in, everyone will slowly get married. not that it's a bad thing! quite the opposite; it's such a beautiful thing that it overwhelms, intimidates and scares me. beauty in the extreme also has pain. another truth i've learned in the last year.
six girls in one buick for over six hours! Lord, may your grace travel with us, and protect us. may your joy overflow in us and may your love be made evident. our lives are worship to you, we love you, thank you for your closeness! amen!
2 comments:
Marcia you are so wise and wonderful! I think we should pray together more often! You can sing and play your guitar and I will randomly pound on my djimbe and we can make beautiful music together (hee hee ; ) that will cause all of our neighbors to come knocking on our door and they will be saved by the grace of our God! Yes...I sometimes live in a dramatic world! Honestly, I love being your roomie and I'm so excited to see what God is doing in your life and where He's taking you! The fact that you recognize your tendency to protect yourself from vulnerability is a good thing. God is good and he's doing an awesome work in you...even when rejection sucks!!!
You're really right Marc. Vulnerability is hard and a risk with people and when you get rejected it's the hardest thing that's ever happened to me, but its worth it! there is nothing like opening your soul up to another person or intrusting it to a man. the feeling of leaning on him and having him protect and look after you, if only for a moment is prehaps the greatest earthly feeling you can have. i've found that you can find a thousand friends to laugh with, but few you can cry with and that's what really matters in life.
Post a Comment