trinity

oh lovely divine
i cannot describe You, i will not deny You
three beauties entwined
i will not disguise You, i cannot divide You

and trinity, You gave to me
all that love could ever be
and i intend to show
that who You are brings life to me
my soul You saved in unity
that's all i need to know
it's all i need to know

oh holy divine
i sing of Your wonders and what i've discovered
the mystery i find
there's none that compares to, nor will i dare to

now faith, faith and trust, is how i can hope for
what i do not see
so let, let reason kneel, kneel in surrender
in surerender, insurrender (to my Lord)
and trinity, you gave to me

all that love could ever be and i intend to show that who You are brings lifre to me
my soul You saved in unity

three beauties entwined
i will not disguise You, i cannot divide You
~ LaRue

i've never been so restless and lonely in my life. it's like this after-reaction to YWAM, that i knew was coming, but i had no idea would look like this. the loneliness is not just missing the people i grew to love. it's like the whole experience of beauty opened me up to more pain. but yet, there is exquisite beauty when you are brought back from that pain. right now, i think the restlessness is because i know i'm going back to the physical place i knew intimacy with God. and it will be different. guaranteed. but there is still anticipation, for relationships that i want to participate in face-to-face again. and i'm really excited!! at the same time, i need to deal with the source of my feelings. am i really making an effort at all? sometimes i honestly don't know if it's me being honest, or the devil's condemnation. or if it's the devil lying, telling me that i'm okay.

last week...no, two weeks ago, i was feeling hardcore scattered and restless. steph and i went to nightwatch at her church, which is 4 hours of worship and intercession. i was broken. i finally came to a place where i had to make Christ my focus, or i would fall apart. the intensity in that is hard to even remember. i know i cried, i was shaking and on the floor, curled up. i felt cleansed afterwards, but i'm so prone to forgetfulness. even now, i can feel some of the same things coming back, but i've chosen to push them aside. i need to remember! the bible says to "forget not!" the Lord's benefits. i've made the decision not to forget. it's strange all that goes on when you have so much to process. i was reading old e-mails and came across something i'd written to my jennie in halifax. i had sobbed over the girls at the centre in taiwan. just like that, my mom and me having a conversation, and i started crying. five minutes later, i stopped. emotion is so strange! you need to feel it, but at the same time, you cannot be ruled by it. yep. that's what's on my mind at this moment.

praise for God, though, on another note! i have a potential roommate for when steph goes on her dts to scotland! so that's definitely an answer to something i didn't give enough prayer to! what can i say? God is truly good. can't wait for heaven, when His grace will truly be sufficient and i will no longer have to live apart from his intimacy in a fallen world. i don't deserve heaven, but oh, do i long for it. come quickly, Lord!