16 days

i'm getting married! i wonder how many times on this blog i have pondered relationships and love.

i think it's time for me to revive this blog, because in all honesty, i truly believe that "thoughts disentangle themselves as they move through our fingers."

working in a daycare has opened my eyes, and yet i'm still stubbornly keeping them shut. so many times during a day working with kids under the age of 5, i wonder "why don't they just trust me? i'm doing it for their own good!" so many times i think "if only they would open their eyes and think about someone other than themselves." other times i think "they are sooo cute" and i just want to shower my love on them.

i'm not sure what bothers me most, though: when they look you in the eye and lie, or do exactly what they have been asked not to do, or when they completely ignore you, refusing to make eye contact while doing everything they were asked not to. and it's sooo hard for them to look at you when you ask.

God, the father. Me, the child.

being selfish is so easy. but it is so not rewarding. why do i insist on doing God's things, my way? i want to serve him, but on my own terms. i want to love like him, but only when it suits me. i want to be a christian, but only when it looks good to those around me.

i'm such a child.

"But I, by your great mercy,
[can] come into your house;
in reverence will I bow down
toward your holy temple."
~ Psalm 5:7

God's not finished with me yet. Thank you, Jesus, for mercy.