God speaks

i recently told a friend of mine that marriage has taught me a lot about God and who he is, what he's like...turns out i've been a pretty terrible wife to God. my marriage here on earth is fantastic, but while i've learned a lot, i haven't really translated any of that into action in my relationship with God.

the world's perspective on love is that if you don't feel it, find something/someone new! i would say i don't believe that, because i believe love is a choice. when i think about tim, i think about a man that i can trust completely to love me and protect me. this is why i married him. i didn't marry him because i had a giggly feeling in my stomach. by choosing to marry him, i chose to actively love him for the rest of my life. even when the giggly feeling isn't there. 

i've come to realize that love for God is also a choice. for awhile now, i've been feeling distant from God and not emotionally attached. it just hit me today that i haven't made the choice to love him. my spiritual life has gone from love-filled to just knowledge. while it's good to gain the knowledge of God, that's NOT the primary purpose of relationship! God wants to love and be loved. i haven't been following through on my promise to love him forever. i've been waiting for that "feeling" to come back, while doing nothing to maintain it. 

i'm so hypocritical! i watch couples split up and divorce, and i think "they need to learn that love is a choice, and do things that demonstrate grace and love to strengthen love!" and then i wonder why on earth i feel distant from God's love. i've been so scared of becoming legalistic that i abandoned the disciplines that demonstrate and strengthen love. 

God speaks. i was sitting here wishing i could just hear a prophetic word to "spur" me on, when suddenly God reminded me that the prophetic word is already being spoken over me, by the Holy Spirit. the very fact that i'm thinking this all through right now is evidence that the Holy Spirit is moving and teaching in my life. i need to get on board!