that was depressing

well, that last post was sad. so here's a happy one. our house is a home. i love it! we've made our "hobbit-hole" of a basement into a nice, spider-web free nook of niceness. at least i think so. i spent hours cleaning on saturday, and it felt really good. and then sunday we were inept with the cooking idea at our place, and the smoke detector went off and we had eggs stuck to pans. it was fun :)

i'm always being challenged by people. challenged to live differently - to live meaningfully and to live truthfully. sometimes i don't want to live up to those challenges. yesterday night i was challenged to be an effective teacher by a cheesy dvd from my education textbook. i began to get intimidated by the large amount of responsibility i have as a teacher to be effective and actually make a difference. and then i got scared. i started to doubt my ability to be that person, that teacher.

i never thought i was a fearful person, but the more challenges that are thrown at me, the more i realize how often fear stands in my way. perfect love casts out fear. i read last night that Jesus did not come to the world to condemn us, but to save us. maybe this is too much of a stretch, but i believe that applies to my fears. he did not come to condemn me and tell me i wasn't good enough, effective enough or not able. Jesus came to cast out my fears and tell me who i am in him. only by my trusting him and believing my identity is found in him, will i be free of these fears. i want to be rid of my fears! i want to live in utter abandon to his will and not be dictated by silly fears. i want to experience his perfect love.